At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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