u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
