Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
