Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You're like the curious george of whores
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
