I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
