watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
