the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
