D3 body, D1 cock
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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