i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
