I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
