summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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