I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
