I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
