all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
