He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
