I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
