Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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