I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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