how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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