Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
