YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
