i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
