They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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