one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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