This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
