Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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