I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
