SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
