her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
