i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
