plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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