Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
