I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
