Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
