remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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