he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
