I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Randomize
