Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
