I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
