Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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