Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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