So drunk its hurt
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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