On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
