I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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