porn star boner night. come get it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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