How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
