he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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