I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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