she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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