How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
