Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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